Could You Love a Murderer?

Research shows that when women fall in love with a prisoner, their relationship is often successful, but can someone really fall for a prisoner? Well, many of you may hear of stories where normal people get into a relationship with a murderer or drug dealer or anyone that falls under the criminal category. Few of them even get married, but the question is- what makes a person ignore their lover’s crimes and embrace a life of waiting?

Let’s start with serial killers, they are the most shared object of fascination. One fact is the magnitude of their crimes inviting us to wonder how a person could possibly commit such heinous acts, but the other involves the mystery that lies behind a single word- ‘Why’. Curiosity could be one factor that drives people towards killers at first, but none of them actually end up falling in love with them. They might show interest, or even a liking to an extent- but never love.

So, what exactly makes one confess their romantic or sexual attraction to these scandalous murderers?

Do you recall Ted Bundy, perhaps one of the most infamous serial killers of all time who confessed to 30 murders between 1974 to 1978? Bundy married Carole Ann Boone while he was already convicted of murders, and she even bore him a daughter while Bundy was in prison. Carole was determined that Bundy was innocent until she could no longer. But what derived this beautiful young independent woman fall for an already convicted sociopath?

High-profile killers such as Jaffrey Dahmer received tons of mails each day in cell and most of these letters were either romantic or sexual. The trend continues even today, with mass shooters such as Nikolas Cruz reportedly receiving deluges of love letters after being convicted of their crimes.

One possible explanation is a condition called hybristophilia, which, ‘is a sexual interest and attraction to those who commit crimes, a paraphilia in which sexual arousal, facilitation, and attainment of orgasm are responsive to and contingent upon being with a partner known to have committed a crime’. Hybristophilia is also referred to as “Bonnie and Clyde syndrome” after infamous 1930s criminals Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. Sometimes the condition becomes so serious that a person could even plant people they love into committing a crime just so they can land in prison. But this condition is very rare so categorizing all lovers into this would be incorrect. A report suggests, many women who are in a relationship with convicts or ex-convicts all insisted that the man with whom they were in love was not guilty and that he was not a violent person. None showed arousal to violence.

Then there is a bad boy reputation, which is widely known to everyone- thanks to the cinema. Women adore bad boys, and it is a very gendered phenomenon. Even in the cases of serial killers, the criminal is always a male and the admirer will be a female. Rarely have been there any cases where the scenario is reversed. Many women are grown with a sense of healing, so naturally, they assume that they could heal or probably change a criminal. A lot of fantasy is attached to the situation and women are not new to it. Females assume that by giving the right love and attention to such criminals they can possibly change them for the better.

Another reason could be the ‘fame’ itself. Several women date murderers to attach their names with publicity, it’s a star power by proxy that makes females interested in high-profile criminals. Part of it is just feeling special just because that person is special or famous, which is not a very positive way of putting this together.

Well, these are all superficial aspects of why people date criminals. But dating someone and loving someone are two different things. Love is a positive feeling that cannot be faked, so what plays a major role in women seeking love-based relationships with prisoners? Notorious criminals, for all their infamy, have nothing to do in prison except shower their love on the other person. They often write poems, and letters, paint portraits and do all kinds of things that women desire from a relationship, simply because they have nothing else to do. This is a game changer when it comes to courting a woman. Females are hardwired to fall in love with someone that shows them love and respect on an everyday basis.

Long hand-written love letters expressing how deeply a person is in love with you surely take a toll on one’s emotions and they may face extreme ethical dilemmas in what to believe and what not. It is also important to note that these criminals are naturally manipulative and even in their letters they may exercise words that have the ability to win over people, gaining sympathy and eventually their love.

Another common thread among several people who fall for criminals has a history of trauma. Almost all such women had their share of trauma whether physical, mental, or emotional. For such women, dating a convict is a safe relationship because the other person is in prison and therefore cannot harm them in any way possible. The threat of psychological or physical abuse is close to zero.

Therefore, if we put all these factors under one roof, one may get a broader idea of how and why a person can love a criminal.