The dark side of Typical Indian Family!
If you are born as a brown kid, you must be familiar with the fact of control in the family and if you are doctor or an engineer- then let us guess- that was pre destined, isn’t it? Recently social media has been stormed with memes shared every minute which lies centric to the Indian stereotypic family structure. These memes are the vent to revel in our personal jest that no foreigner could ever get, because of the satisfaction we find in knowing that we’re not alone. But here we somehow leave behind or often pay no heed to the darker side of this misery. These jokes deftly presents an entire society and a lifetime of internal anger, known very well by us, who was born in an Indian family.
So this article will talk about the other side of this Indian Family story- that is YOURS.
Control is everything:
In Indian families, control is everything. The adults justify it by saying that it’s a procedure of “parenting”, but when talked psychologically- that’s exactly what we call abuse or harassment. When even doing simplest of task like choosing your profession makes you being questioned- something is definitely wrong. Whatever the choices we make when not appreciated is where the misery lies. Many brown kids have faced the similar challenge of making them adjust according to their parents needs and not being the way they wanted to be. Yours dressing choice, your career planning, the friends you make or even the spouse you choose is not your thing anymore, it’s certainly your parents’ choice. We slide it away like its nothing but no matter what, in the end the life is yours!
Defending yourself is forbidden!
In Indian family structure- we follow a hierarchy system, where the adults are the superior and kid’s lies on the shallow bottom. It’s a kind of dictatorship that whatever the adult say is right and your opinion is ignored. Even during the heat of an argument, you are not allowed to defend back because just stating your case may make them feel insulted. “Talking back” to elders or just defending yourself is witnessed as an act of rude gesture or disrespect when all you wanted to do was make your case. So in the end you are asked to remain silent even when you are abused physically and verbally.
Status quo is more important than you:
What society thinks, what they feel is right, and what is socially accepted unfortunately falls much superior to your own happiness. Indian kids are always pushed to the limit of depression and why not, as every four minute a student commits suicide in India- this phenomena is not new. You are not brought up but designed according to the societal needs and all you are left with the void of happiness where you don’t even know what to do next. That’s why every second adult you may see is frustrated- because this has happened with them as well. It’s a legacy that is passed through generation to generation. Pretty weird, but that’s how India functions!
This is the worst of all, that when you choose to put forth your choices- you are isolated. One scare tactic is that everyone will stop talking to you as to make you feel guilty. Now that’s relatable, isn’t it? Your parents cut off communication completely, even they make it visible in front of outsiders as well so that you feel guilty, as there is something wrong with you and not them and eventually you surrender to the situation. To make everything go back normal, we just accept the situations the way they are and do things we are asked to do.
Abuse is the only solution:
The abusive nature of parent is not new in India. The only measure they use to make things right (according to them) is either through physical or verbal abuse. Kids are expected to meet the demands of their families without any question. And if case things turn out to be wrong- agitation, anguish and frustration is all left. Regular beatings, humiliating in front of guests by calling disgusting names and just generally reducing your self-esteem to a nub.
You feel weak because they are powerful. You feel worthless not because you really are but because you have been made that feel purposely. When children are shown cruelty, they becomes the same. What Indian families lack is a true conversation with their child? Yes, many of Indian children don’t even have the courage to speak their opinions out. Because they already knew it isn’t going to work. Every time they did so ended up in another abuse and argument. And if this is called parenting then it’s really sad. Your child is a human not your property. They have a life just like you have, they needs appreciation just like you need it and they need love just like you need. Please understand this and know that you are strong today only to get weak tomorrow. In the world full of hate and greed, love is your only savior.